monday to friday

Today is Monday. I leave on Friday.

wow.

my to do list is gettting shorter instead of longer (for a change) which is great. 

i've been packed for the past month, but i'm really really packed now, the external hard drive is loaded up with movies thanks to my super-fantastic cousins, i've eaten pretty much all of the food that I don't think i'll be able to get in the next 2 years (literally- i think i've eaten two years worth of fresh, raw veggies- that's what i missed the most last time i went abroad), i visited with my family, finished my last minute shopping, and i still have to pick up my prescription, my power of attorney paperwork, and repack to shift some weight around in my luggage and my to do list will be done. whew! 

on the other hand... there is the whole "learning the language" thing that I was supposed to accomplish too.... that did not happen. yet. we'll see how much of that i can cram into the next few days. 

time seems to be FLYING by more and more rapidly. i still have my 745847 phone calls to make before i leave to say the "g word" (starts with good and rhymes with rye) to the people that I didn't get to see.  doing all of the calling sort of epitomizes how i feel about the trip in general=  i love making the calls and talking my favorite people, and i'm excited because some of them i havent talked to in a while, but it also kinda stinks because i am super awful at saying the "g word" and don't really wanna do it. 

My feelings about this experience in general are sort of similar. I am SO FLIPPIN' EXCITED to leave on friday and meet the rest of the PC volunteers and to get this trip started. i've wanted to join the PC since the seventh grade and it is FINALLY happening! But, for something that i've wanted so bad for so long and am SO excited about.... I still have an awfully big knot in my throat and a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach because I am so nervous about it. Those of you who know me well know that nervous is what I do. haha :-D From past experience, I can predict how my last few days in the states will play out: I will have frequent "mini panic attacks" every time I think about what i'm doing. Then i'll reread my journal, or talk to someone about why I want to go, or for the really bad ones, talk to the parents and have them remind me about why I want to do this so much, then i'll be fine. I'll overanalyze ever. possible. aspect. of the trip. Then i'll leave for the airport a nervous wreck (skipping the "g word" scenes for now because i dont want to think about them) board the flight and be completely fine.... until I get to philly. then i have alone time for a very few short hours, which i will try to avoid at all costs. being alone with me, myself, and I can be a very dangerous thing when i'm overthinking everything. haha then i'll go through staging, hang out with other volunteers and be perfectly ok. then have bed time a.k.a. "lay in bed at night and think too much" time - which will suck.  then i'll complete the really long drive/flight/layover/flight to get me to the KR and once i finally get there,  the nerves will settle. i'll deal with all of the really really hard parts of training and adapting and becoming a PC volunteer and then... and only then... i will absolutley LOVE what i'll doing. 

Whew! i'm kind of long winded tonight. haha. but that ridiculous prediction (an example of my overthinking) is kinda like my best possible outcome. not the ideally best, but the best possible (i can't believe I just put that in my blog.... I actually remembered something from a political theory course about aristotle- sorry- random) anywaaaays... i would like to de-stress and not worry or be nervous and i shouldn't worry because it is something that i want so much... but i know me... i will worry because i do it. and i do it well. but everything usually turns out okay anyway

sorry i've been so long winded and random tonight. (and yes, i'm aware of the irony that i will be teaching english and my blog is pretty much one huge runon sentence, has incorrect grammar (and probably spelling, too) i have a lot on my mind right now. maybe it'll get better haha :-)

I promised dad that i wouldn't "stay up all night" which in dad speak means stay up past 11 or 12 haha so i'd better be getting off of here so I can get ready for bed. we're going for a motorcycle ride tomorrow (its getting to be a tradition every time I go away for a while that we take a bike ride a few days before- its a sahweet tradition)

i'm sure i'll be back on here frequently in the next few days.

love from KY (for the next four days)

jess