Is it June yet?

I am beyond ready for a visit home. It has been a rough couple of
days. I did have a few realizations today, though. #1 I know that I
have matured and changed in a lot of ways. Some days it seems more
pronounced, and then there is today. I realized today that in some
ways I am exactly the same. Haha I had rough few days, so I gave
myself a manicure and bought two pairs of shoes. Typical Jess
Behavior. Shoe therapy hasn't changed I guess. Granted the shoes I
bought aren't shoes that I would have normally bought in America. (One
pair has rhinestones) But, they are both super cute, and I got a "wow"
from Aiculu. Haha
Realization #2: For me at least, being happy is a decision that I have
to make. I can be miserable or I can be happy. Even when life is not
all sunshine and roses, I know that I have control over my disposition
and mood. Living here has been a fantastic experience and I have to
remember it. The bad days are outnumbered by the good so I can't give
the bad days the control. I have had to force myself to remember that
sometimes bad things happen to good people. It is hard to fight the
pessimism and the desire to blame Kyrgyzstan when bad things happen
here, but it helps to remember that bad things happen everywhere and
my personal experience in Kyrgyzstan has been amazing and
overwhelmingly positive. I just have to focus on the good and make the
decision to be happy. For Example: A few days ago I got really
frustrated. We had guests coming and I was told I had to make sure my
room was clean so that our guests could "see how I live." I am not an
exhibit at a zoo or museum, in case you haven't noticed. At first it
never bothered me, but every single time we have guests, I'm expected
to play hostess/tour guide to my room. It is not a really big deal,
but just one of the little things that get really irritating after a
while. As a Peace Corps Volunteer, we're volunteers "24/7." And we
have to deal with "living in a fish bowl." I understand that
completely. I'm the foreigner and the extreme minority here, but I
guess I just felt that I shouldn't have to deal with all that nonsense
in my own home. So, I was dreading having guests and feeling kind of
resentful. Then, my host uncle made a joke that I should start
charging admission to see my room. It made me laugh because I guess he
knew how I felt about being on display, but the little joke was the
snap back into reality that I needed. I can be resentful and
irritated, or I can just go with the flow and see the humour of the
situation. I know that I will probably have the same realization
several more times in the next year but there you go. (Being honest,
this could just be that shoe shopping put me in a good mood. Haha)
Realization #3: I think I there is something wrong with me. I have a
really weird mind. Like ADD on crack with a side of crazy. An example:
I walked home from the intersection today because it was such a
beautiful day (bad idea that, carrying a month's worth of groceries
5km. I got blisters on my hand.) Anyways, as I was walking, I got
passed by a light blue dodge spirit. My thought process following that
moment: that looks like mama's old blue dodge spirit, which led to,
when we had that car; we lived in Louisburg, NC, which led to the
memory of Jordan backing Daddy's truck into the side of that house.
And then I laughed out loud, while walking down the road. This thought
chain took about .4 seconds. So I'm walking down the road cracking
myself up for no apparent, obvious reason. Does that sound like a
balanced person to you? Haha this happens all the time! I think this
is part of the reason that I have such a hard time keeping a straight
face and not smiling like we're told to do. I see something and it
reminds me of something completely random and unrelated and then I
smirk. I have a perpetual grin.

And now for something completely different: my random thought of the
past two days:
1. I think my Ipod has supernatural powers. It has ESP. I swear. I put
all 8G on shuffle and it played all songs that matched my mood today.
2. There is a reason that farm animals are farm animals.
3. Today I saw a chicken fight. A literal chicken fight.
4. Rice cakes and gummi bears = civilization.
5. I keep all my peanut butter jars and put rice and beans and stuff
in them so I don't have to have the bags. I am equally disgusted and
impressed by the amount of peanut butter I have consumed in one year
6. I now hate American TV. because it has turned into food porn.
Things that I never missed until I saw them on a TV. show or in a
movie. For example, I would do really really bad things for parmesan
cheese. Or an ICEE.. mmm

I think that is all for now.

Miss you
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
Jess (who still has a shoe addiction)