If you believe they put a man on the moon

I know that I have said this multiple times, but it never fails to
amuse me how similar some things are about human nature, regardless of
the country. My host sisters sigh when Ata changes the channel from
MTV to ESPN, and it cracks me up because it's just like when Jordan
and I watched TRL every afternoon after school and dad would come home
and want to watch the history channel or golf or the outdoor channel.
Haha The girls also put off their chores until the last minute, and
turn the TV off when they see a parent walking up to the house and
pretend to have been working diligently. I love my host sisters. My
Apa (whom I adore) is so great. My host dad's personality is too
exuberant for me sometimes and for everyone else, too. At dinner the
other day she said, "Jailoo, how many times are you going to say it?"
I could just read the "good grief" on her face. It was great. She also
has the mama eye. You know what I'm talking about. The look that makes
you quake in your seat because you know you're in for it if you don't
shape up fast. She gave it to Azeez this morning. She told him not to
open the china cabinet and he started to anyway. Then she gave him the
eye and said, "go ahead, open it." And he promptly climbed off the
stool. Love it. He will be four this year (on the fifth of august –
best birthday ever, in my opinion haha) and he's just like every other
spoiled four year old on the planet. He can be super adorable and then
make you wanna wring his neck in less than a minute. He leaves his
toys all over and several times a day you'll hear me or one of my
sisters yell "bleen" (it's like "durn" in Russian) because we've
stepped on a sharp toy. In the past day, I've stood on a car, a toy
whale, and numerous bottle caps (he is practicing chuko- the Kyrgyz
equivalent of marbles but usually played with sheep vertebrae).
Anyways, enough about the family.

I meant to go to the city and stay the night yesterday, but I didn't.
I went to the city to go to the bank and the getting there was so
frustrating it put me in a bad mood. For one, it was cloudy and gross
outside. I stood on the side of the road waiting for a taxi for about
half an hour. Under normal circumstances I would've just walked, but
it had rained so the road was super muddy and it looked like it would
rain again, so I waited. A taxi that was coming into the village and
dropping people off turned around and picked me up, so I climbed into
the back seat and waited. We drove about 200m and picked up the
Russian equivalent of our village's cat lady and then we waited. And
waited. And waited. And of course, about five cars drove past that I
could've hitched with if I hadn't already been sitting in a car.
Usually, I'm okay with the waiting. I've gotten a lot more patient.
But, I wanted to go to the bank before it closed, my Ipod was dead,
the taxi driver was too friendly, and the Russian lady smelled of
cats. And, it had started to rain. So, we finally left the village and
about 5km outside of the city…. The car breaks down. Not kidding.
After about five or ten minutes the driver gets it going again and we
get into the city. And then we stop to get gas. Gas prices have gone
up a bunch since the revolution. The lines are always super long
because so many of the gas stations have closed. Usually, drivers get
gas on the way OUT of the city. We finally got gas and got to the
center. Now, I'm sitting behind the driver in the back of a two door
car, and the Russian lady is sitting beside me with two big bags in
the floor at her feet. There's no one else in the car. We stop in the
center, and instead of the driver getting out, I'm made to climb over
the Russian lady and all her bags. And we all know that I'm not
exactly the most graceful person on the planet. The Russian lady
doesn't get out, or move her bags. She says, "astarozjna," which means
be careful. Thanks so much! Haha So, I practically fall out of the
car, and I hit my head on the door. What a way to arrive! Needless to
say, I was not in the best of moods at this point, so I just went to
the bank, and did some shopping then came back home. But don't worry.
Being in a bad mood is not code for sliding back into the "bad place."
About ten minutes after getting home, putting away my groceries and
putting on my comfy lounge clothes, my mood improved. Then I ate
strawberries, crocheted and talked to my family, and my mood was back
to normal.

The down side of not staying in the city was that I didn't get to have
my skype date with Ciara. So, I called her this morning and had a
lovely chat. What a great way to start a Saturday! She said something
that made me think, about how I won't take things for granted when I
come home. It's true. I have had an easier Peace Corps experience than
some other volunteers, and I really do appreciate what I have, but
there are definitely some things that I will relish when I come home.
For instance, I am really grateful that I get to have coffee in the
mornings. But I will really love not having to chew the grounds when I
have coffee that wasn't made in a p.o.s. coffee press. Haha I really
appreciate being able to do laundry, but I am super excited about the
prospect of dryer sheets and no static cling. I'm super grateful that
we have running water in our house (although some times it is faster
to walk to the pump and fill up a bucket and walk back because the
water pressures is so low), but I am really looking forward to being
able to wash my hair without having to use a bucket. I'm glad the
weather has warmed up, but I can't wait for my hot humid Virginia
summer. (Remind me of this if I have the nerve to complain about heat
when I'm home in July) I'm super excited to spend my summer on the
shores of beautiful Lake Issyk-Kul, but truthfully, I am really
looking forward to seeing my Lake Gaston.

I also talked to Mama, and chatted with Jordan and Dee for a bit on
Facebook. It's been a great day! Granted, it is only 9:30 and I
haven't actually done anything today, but still, the weather is
finally nice, I've got an R.E.M. playlist going, school is out, and
I've got the whole day ahead of me to do whatever I want. (within
reason, of course).
So, I think I'm gonna get to it.

Miss you
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
Jess

What a lovely day!

Yesterday and today have actually both been good. Yesterday was one of
the best lazy Sundays that I have had all year. I think I spent maybe
an hour out of bed all day. It was rainy, so I curled up under my
covers and read for most of the day. I took a "little nap" that turned
into a four-hour death nap! And, I didn't even wake up groggy like I
usually do. I crocheted a bit, watched a movie or two, and relaxed. I
needed a restful day. Today, I got up, had coffee, wrote I my journal,
did a pilates workout, cleaned my room, dusted, swept my floor, and
made a delicious egg, onion, and tomato bagel for lunch, Of course,
here, that means I had to make bagels first. MMM garlic and onion
bagels. I don't think I'll ever buy bagels again. They are so easy to
make at home, and taste better than store bought. Whew! I did all of
that and it is just now noon. I'm fixin to go so my laundry (and work
on my tan since I'll be doing it outside) I also might crochet a bit,
since I've got about four half-finished projects to wrap up before
coming home.

I didn't go to school today because tomorrow is the last day of
school, which means that there haven't been classes for the past two
school days because everyone has to prepare for tomorrow's holiday.
I'm really excited about it! (Truthfully, I'm just excited to be
excited about anything again) :-D

Later:
There's nothing like: forgetting that your cell phone AND Ipod are in
your pocket as you're hauling water and spilling all down your front
There's nothing like: the film that develops across the top of your
"clean" water because the bucket you're using to haul water is also
the same bucket used for milking the cows.
There's nothing like: a great, nasty spider falling from a tree into
your clean clothes
There's nothing like: defending yourself with a bucket from the crazy
angry goose that is chasing you
There's nothing like: your four year old brother reporting all of your
actions to your dad: "jess is adding soap," "jess is drinking water."
There's nothing like: getting to the very bottom of the liter of water
you're chugging and then noticing the stuff floating in it
There's nothing like: being lucky enough to have laundry day coincide
with banya day and having the ENTIRE family walk under your panties on
the way to the banya AND getting wood smoke to scent your clothes
In short, there is nothing like laundry day in Kyrgyzstan. Gotta love it!

(here's to hoping this laundry sunburn sinks into a tan)

Miss you tons
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
Jess

Helloooo Beautiful.

I am in a great mood! It has been a while, I know. Maybe it is the
fourth cup of coffee that I'm currently working toward, or my eighth
grade B class all earning fours on the test, or tomatoes being under
100som a kilo, or eggplant coming back in season, or the sunny
weather, or being able to wear skirts and open toed shoes and
t-shirts, or the awesome playlist I'm rocking out to, or maybe because
I haven't taken melatonin to sleep for almost a week. I think the side
effects of it were just too much for me. Depression or not sleeping? I
know which I'd choose. Maybe the combination of all these things is
responsible for my happy mood.

It has been a super rough couple of months, as I'm sure you all have
realized. But I think I am finally back to myself. It's taken a while,
with a lot of false starts, but I think this time it is for good. YAY!

Usually, when I haven't written for a while, I backtrack and try to
catch up on what has been going on, but really? Ew gross. Let's just
not. haha The now is so much better. I'm still working on my GRE prep,
but I'm going to try to avoid the "big words" in this blog. Haha (ly
jck) I realized that I'm taking the GRE's in July and that is coming
up super fast. I'm only SIX WEEKS away from my visit home! How
exciting is that!?!? I have to finish this week of school, and give
exams three days next week and then I'm done with school until
September. I wanted to do clubs, but exams go on until the 25th of
June and I'm leaving that day, so no clubs until I come back in
August. So. June, my dear, whatever shall I do with you? I'm going to
try to find a grant to get textbooks for next year, work on
presentations about Kyrgyzstan that I will do when I get home, and try
not to tire myself out too much going to the lake with my sisters. :-D

My plans to go to Osh to help Heidi with her camp got nixed. Going to
Osh for camps is now off limits due to the whole
"going-through-a-revolution" thing. I think I will do a bit more local
travel instead. I've traveled to all the oblasts already, so I think
I'll stick closer to home and maybe visit the new volunteers on day
trips. I think it'll be fun to go to other villages.

Well, I'm gonna go enjoy the pretty weather!
See you in six weeks!

Miss you
Love from Kyrgyzstan!
Jess

More of the same

What a month it has been so far. And it is only the fifth day. In the
first three days, I hit my head on a low hanging pipe, a door frame,
and a shelf. Talk about a perpetual headache that won't abate.
Saturday, the first, was the Kyrgyz Labor day so there was no school.
And there is no school today because it is also a holiday. Also, the
9th is a holiday, so there is no school on the tenth. Classes end the
twenty-fifth, and then there is a month of exams. I only have to give
one exam during that entire month, but I can't do clubs or camps then
because the kids are still working. So, I need to find something
(other than going to the lake) to pass the time until the end of June.
I might try to write a grant to get textbooks for my school. I'm
already excited for next school year. I dropped the bomb on my ninth
graders that I am not going to teach them next year. They were pretty
upset. I really like my students, but the majority of the ninth
graders don't really want to learn, are loquacious, and don't pay
attention, so I feel like I could be more useful teaching the rising
fifth graders next year because they are really enthusiastic. When I
told them I wasn't going to teach them next year, they were all like,
"we'll do better, we'll study, we'll do our homework," but they've
been saying that all year, and they haven't really improved. I will
continue to conduct clubs, so the kids that really want extra English
practice can get it, but I'm working on eliminating my stressors, and
I think this might be a small improvement. Other stressors I can't
really do anything about, so I take what I can.

I sometimes feel as if some of the changes I've made here aren't
necessarily for the better always. I used to be a really nice person,
I've even been called "sweet" on occasion, but I think I have gotten
really rude here, by my personal standards. Examples? I am abstemious
when it comes to eating with my host family. I only eat dinner with
them. We've had this system for almost a year. My host sisters and
host mom are great about it. If they offer me tea, or food, and I say,
"no thanks," they let it go. Not my host dad. He is a really friendly
man, but his officious ways are really beginning to irk my nerves. He
will ask me to come drink tea, or eat, and I will politely decline,
but he continues to push. So, my options are to eat what he offers,
whether I want it or not (the problem with this is that my guileless
face shows my frustration and makes it awkward), or repeat my polite
refusal fifty-eleven times, or be laconic, say no thank you, and walk
away. My host dad has been at home, not working elsewhere for a while
now, and it seems like the whole house is tenser. He is so austere
with the girls. When he is absent, we talk and I sit with the family
and socialize, but when he is here, there is too much pressure and I
become reticent. He wants to turn every conversation into a lesson of
some sort, and it makes it hard to retain my equanimity, so I become
blunt in speech and it makes me feel rude. I also feel impolite when I
do my shopping or banking, or even when I get on marshrukas! I guess
I've integrated because when I do my shopping, I just ask the
salesperson how much something costs, even if they are occupied with
someone else, because if I don't I will never get service. Same at the
bank, I can be just as pushy as the ejes to get to the counter. I used
to wait politely, but the concept of orderly lines just isn't part of
the culture here.

All the holidays have caused me to have even more free time than I
used to. So, I've been filling up the time with GRE prep (notice the
pompous word usage so far haha), and antiquing (I found an antique
Sputnik III commemorative fountain pen, and I've been practicing
calligraphy), reading, and cooking. Jordan had to make a comment about
"having tacos at the parentals," so I decided to make them for myself.
Let me walk you through that process. It took two days! I had to soak
the beans overnight, then cook the beans, mash the beans, sauté
onions, and then make refried beans. I had to make tortilla shells by
hand, chop up all the vegetables to make salsa, and grate cheese. It
took forever! It is kinda nice though that basically everything I eat
here is organic, and tastes better than the easier, store bought
stuff.

I know some of you are still worried about me, and my post-breakdown
mental health, haha. I'm doing much better. Not great, but a lot
better. I haven't cried in days! unless you count Jordan sending me a
really sweet song that made me cry, and cutting up onions. Haha

My blogs have gotten less frequent and probably more random… because
life here hasn't really been super exciting. I supposed I've just
gotten used to it

Can't wait til July!
Miss you
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
Jess

My Dears, Darlings, and Loves:

You are all awesome. Just thought you should know. I know those of you
that I've talked to lately, and some of you that I haven't talked to
lately have been concerned about me. Rightfully so, I kinda had a
breakdown. And then another one haha. This past Monday and Tuesday
were probably the absolute worst days that I have had in country. The
whole situation has been very thought provoking, and
epiphany-inducing. I don't really wanna talk (write) about the
situation, because it is depressing, you probably won't understand,
and I've pseudo-moved on. But, I will give you a run down of why I'm
better now. I realized that even on the worst day of my life in
country, if my options were leaving, or staying, it was no question. I
am not ready to leave. Maybe it is the fact that I am an
anal-retentive OCD control freak who couldn't bear to mess up my
ten-year plan, maybe it is because I'm too stubborn to quit, or maybe
it is because I'm stronger than I thought I was… either way, not being
a volunteer is not even something that I wanted to contemplate. So,
(with a lot of help) I figured out that if I can't change the
situation, but I also can't deal with the situation, I guess the only
thing left to change is me, or the way I attempt to deal with the
situation. Recognizing that I'd rather be miserable for another year
than leave Kyrgyzstan made me understand that I can cope, and I'm in
the process of figuring out how. I'm sure I'm not out of the woods
just yet. I'll probably have a few more minor breakdowns before
equilibrium can be maintained, but I'm on an upward slope. As much as
I hate to use clichés, sometimes they are true. When you hit rock
bottom, there really is no where else to go but up. The going back up
part has been good. A combination of things have worked together to
improve my mood. I just got back to my village and instead of feeling
claustrophobic, I am at peace. It is refreshing. The weather has
finally gotten warmer, my girls club just started a big project, I
spent the weekend in the city, and it was so much fun. A recap: Friday
night we went out for pizza (there were about 15 of us, including the
visiting volunteers) and then we went dancing. It was a lot of low-key
fun. Volunteers sometimes tend to get stupid and reckless when we are
in big groups, but this weekend wasn't like that. I think everyone
just needed a get-together to blow off some steam. Pizza and dancing
are a really good remedy. Saturday, we went to the beach at the lake.
It was too cold for swimming, but a picnic, games, and jam sessions
passing the guitar around were great. (good grief, could we have
gotten more stereotypical PC/hippie? Haha) Being outside and warm was
so therapeutic. I got started on my farmers' tan, but managed not to
get too sunburned. Saturday night I hung out with Holo and watched
movies. This morning we had a brunch with everyone for Katie's
birthday before a lot of people headed back. I made my famous cinnamon
rolls, and we had eggs and home fries (the saleslady looked at me like
I was crazy when I asked for 40 eggs and 2kilos of potatoes), and
lemon poppy seed bread. Then I went meandering walk and had a picnic
in the park with Holo for a few hours before heading back. Good food
and good company and good weather do wonderful things for a person.
Also, I had several long emails (I'm working on responses- you know
who you are) and I dunno, I guess I finally feel good again. I'm not
naïve enough to think that the feeling will last indefinitely, but
when I hold on to feelings like this, it makes the dark ones not so
bad.

Miss you
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
Jess

Notes to self:

1. Find your glasses BEFORE you take out your contacts.
2. Telling yourself that the white chunks in your potato manti are onions and not fat does not magically turn them into onions and will not allow you repress your gag reflex.
3. You should’ve learned after Jordan’s wedding that volunteering to do any more than two heads of hair is a bad idea. Six 9th graders later- learn the lesson!
4. No matter how much you wish it to not be so, April in Kyrgyzstan is still going to be cold.
5. Mud is as slippery as ice, only when you fall on ice, you don’t have to change clothes.


Random Question
1. Why is it that when I lose weight, it always comes from the boobs first? Totally not fair.
2. Why is it that foods I didn’t really even like that much in America make me drool here just because I can’t have it? For example: caesar salad dressing.
3. What was I thinking letting my laundry pile up this far?
4. Why are farm animals so dumb?
5. Why do people assume I’m anything but American? English, Turkish, Russian, German, French, and Finnish have all been guessed.


About Prom:
Prom was great! One of my ninth graders told me it was the best night of her life haha. It was also her birthday, so I guess that is a good way to celebrate!
Teenagers are the same here as they are in America. The good things and the bad. I don’t really want to go into detail, just think back and remember your own prom, and the behavior of teenagers.
“The Way I Are” was an irritating song BEFORE I became an English teacher and before I heard it four times in one night.


That concludes the randomness of my thoughts for today.
Miss you
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
Jess

My Room

I have gotten a few inquiries about my room over the past few months, and I’m bored, so I thought I’d take a few minutes and describe it. I could just take a picture, but I decided to go for the thousand word option instead. Haha

Right now, I’m sitting in my bed, which is covered with pink flowery sheets, and a pink flowery blanket (I didn’t pick it out), my crocheted blanket, my snuggie, and Mr. Bear. At the foot of my bed on the floor are my water distiller, and my shoes. My bed faces the door, on which I have a bunch of pictures. To the left of the door is my L-shaped desk. Behind the desk is my only plug. Above the desk, on the wall, is every single card I’ve gotten in country. All my visitors love it. The next wall has my window, and a bunch of quotes. In the next corner is my wardrobe. Taped to the wardrobe are my Russian numbers, and hard Kyrgyz grammar reminders. Then I have my mirror/vanity/night stand right beside my bed. That makes the whole circle. Books are lined up on my desk, and under my vanity. My carpet is red. Other things in my room: my guitar, my rice cooker, my sleeping bag, my crochet bag, my space heater, and my bucket. On my walls, in addition to pictures, my map of Kyrgyzstan, cards, and language reminders, are quotes. They kinda make up my wallpaper and help to break up the monotony of sea-foam blue walls, they are all really cool quotes. Some are from a calendar Mama gave me, and others are just ones that I’ve found and like. They help to keep me upbeat when I get down, so I thought I’d share. If you don’t wanna read them, this would be the part where you can skip to the end.

You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, if you hold that desire with singleness of purpose.
-Abraham Lincoln

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.
-T.S. Elliot

One cannot consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
-Helen Keller

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage- Anais Nin

Obstacles are those frightening things that become visible when we take our eyes off our goals .
–Henry Ford

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. –Christian Morgenstern

Sit as little as possible. Give no credence to any thought that was not born outdoors while moving freely. –Friedrich Nietzsche

Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake-Victor Hugo

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
-Theodore Roosevelt

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. –The Dalai Lama

Patience is the companion of wisdom- Saint Augustine

The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. –Allan K. Chalmers

You are not in charge of the universe. You are in charge of yourself. Arnold Bennett

Don’t be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated; you can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps. –Lloyd George

One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.- Sidney Howard

Make the most of yourself for that is all there is to you. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Home is where there’s one to love us. – Charles Swain

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. – Jane Howard

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. - e.e. cummings

Don’t bother just to be better than your competitors or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.
-William Faulkner

So much of growing up is an unbearable waiting. A constant longing for another time. Another season. – Sonia Sanchez

Love many things for therein lies the true strength and whosoever loves much anc and accomplish much, and what is done in love is well done. – Vincent van Gogh

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. Langston Hughes

Keep true to the dreams of thy youth. – Friedrich von Schiller

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. – Psalms 99:11

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. – Helen Keller

For I know the plans I have for you declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your hearth. – Jeremiah 29:11-13

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may be, for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition, and not upon our circumstances. – Martha Washington

We are shaped and fashioned by what we love. – Goethe

Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. – James K. Barrie

Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it. Success is shy- it won’t come out while you’re watching. – Tennessee Williams

How poor are they who have not patience. What wound did heal but by degrees. – Williams Shakespeare

Commit to the lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3.

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want. – Ben Stein

Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed. – Corita Kent

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach because you do not just live in a world; but a world lives in you. Frederick Buedner.

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer, and petition, with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice and the God of peace will be with you. – Philippians 4:4-9

If a woman is sufficiently ambitious, determined, and gifted, there is practically nothing she can’t do. – Helen Lawrenson

In a full heart, there is room for everything, and in an empty heart, there is room for nothing. – Antonio Porchia

Life the life you have imagined. – Thoreau

An optimist is the human personification of spring. – Susan J. Bissonette.

Blessed is he who has regard for the weak, the lord delivers him in times of trouble. – Psalms 41:1

Disappointment, when it involves neither shame nor loss, is as good as success, for it supplies as many images to the mind and as many topics to the tongue. – Samuel Johnson

I also have all of Proverbs 31 written out, but it is really long, so if you don’t know it, I recommend you look it up.

That’s all. So, now you know what my room is like here.
Haha. Yeah, I’m bored. Deal with it.

Miss you tons,
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
Jess