More of the same

What a month it has been so far. And it is only the fifth day. In the
first three days, I hit my head on a low hanging pipe, a door frame,
and a shelf. Talk about a perpetual headache that won't abate.
Saturday, the first, was the Kyrgyz Labor day so there was no school.
And there is no school today because it is also a holiday. Also, the
9th is a holiday, so there is no school on the tenth. Classes end the
twenty-fifth, and then there is a month of exams. I only have to give
one exam during that entire month, but I can't do clubs or camps then
because the kids are still working. So, I need to find something
(other than going to the lake) to pass the time until the end of June.
I might try to write a grant to get textbooks for my school. I'm
already excited for next school year. I dropped the bomb on my ninth
graders that I am not going to teach them next year. They were pretty
upset. I really like my students, but the majority of the ninth
graders don't really want to learn, are loquacious, and don't pay
attention, so I feel like I could be more useful teaching the rising
fifth graders next year because they are really enthusiastic. When I
told them I wasn't going to teach them next year, they were all like,
"we'll do better, we'll study, we'll do our homework," but they've
been saying that all year, and they haven't really improved. I will
continue to conduct clubs, so the kids that really want extra English
practice can get it, but I'm working on eliminating my stressors, and
I think this might be a small improvement. Other stressors I can't
really do anything about, so I take what I can.

I sometimes feel as if some of the changes I've made here aren't
necessarily for the better always. I used to be a really nice person,
I've even been called "sweet" on occasion, but I think I have gotten
really rude here, by my personal standards. Examples? I am abstemious
when it comes to eating with my host family. I only eat dinner with
them. We've had this system for almost a year. My host sisters and
host mom are great about it. If they offer me tea, or food, and I say,
"no thanks," they let it go. Not my host dad. He is a really friendly
man, but his officious ways are really beginning to irk my nerves. He
will ask me to come drink tea, or eat, and I will politely decline,
but he continues to push. So, my options are to eat what he offers,
whether I want it or not (the problem with this is that my guileless
face shows my frustration and makes it awkward), or repeat my polite
refusal fifty-eleven times, or be laconic, say no thank you, and walk
away. My host dad has been at home, not working elsewhere for a while
now, and it seems like the whole house is tenser. He is so austere
with the girls. When he is absent, we talk and I sit with the family
and socialize, but when he is here, there is too much pressure and I
become reticent. He wants to turn every conversation into a lesson of
some sort, and it makes it hard to retain my equanimity, so I become
blunt in speech and it makes me feel rude. I also feel impolite when I
do my shopping or banking, or even when I get on marshrukas! I guess
I've integrated because when I do my shopping, I just ask the
salesperson how much something costs, even if they are occupied with
someone else, because if I don't I will never get service. Same at the
bank, I can be just as pushy as the ejes to get to the counter. I used
to wait politely, but the concept of orderly lines just isn't part of
the culture here.

All the holidays have caused me to have even more free time than I
used to. So, I've been filling up the time with GRE prep (notice the
pompous word usage so far haha), and antiquing (I found an antique
Sputnik III commemorative fountain pen, and I've been practicing
calligraphy), reading, and cooking. Jordan had to make a comment about
"having tacos at the parentals," so I decided to make them for myself.
Let me walk you through that process. It took two days! I had to soak
the beans overnight, then cook the beans, mash the beans, sauté
onions, and then make refried beans. I had to make tortilla shells by
hand, chop up all the vegetables to make salsa, and grate cheese. It
took forever! It is kinda nice though that basically everything I eat
here is organic, and tastes better than the easier, store bought
stuff.

I know some of you are still worried about me, and my post-breakdown
mental health, haha. I'm doing much better. Not great, but a lot
better. I haven't cried in days! unless you count Jordan sending me a
really sweet song that made me cry, and cutting up onions. Haha

My blogs have gotten less frequent and probably more random… because
life here hasn't really been super exciting. I supposed I've just
gotten used to it

Can't wait til July!
Miss you
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
Jess