29 January 2010
My host sisters and I stayed up late talking one day this week and the idea was born that we should have a slumber party with the girls from the girls’ club. This one little event has really made me think. Here are my thoughts, they are random and odd, but there you are:
Kyrgyzstan has completely cured me of my fear of public speaking. If I can stand in front of a group of girls and facilitate a discussion on problem solving, in a language that I do not know that well, speaking in front of a group of people in my native language should never be a problem again.
While Kyrgyzstan has cured me of one problem, it has given me another. My girls’ club, I fear, is going to give me ego problems. My girls told me that they wanted me to teach them how to dress and how to do their makeup. I responded that I do not know how to dress or how to do makeup. I mean, I do my own makeup and can usually match clothes, but that is about it. They told me (in a polite way) that I was being crazy. “Just show us how to do our make up like you do yours, and how to dress like you.” Wow. I know that the simple fact that I am an American puts me on a pillar of “cool,” so most of it has nothing to do with me, but still. Can you understand how hard I am going to have to try to not let what they say to me affect me? Haha
I am a control freak. Duh. Anyone who knows me knows that. What has changed is the scope and spectrum of my control. In a place where I have little to no control over my surroundings, I have surrendered control of the big things. I go with the flow. I am much more spontaneous and open to new things. “There is no water”. Okay, I do not even ask why anymore. “We are not having class today because the teachers are going to a party.” Okay, when are we leaving? “We are two lessons behind in almost all of our classes.” We’ll just rearrange it. Oh well. But, I am disappointed in myself to realize that I am still clinging to control over the small things. This slumber party, for example:
-I asked my host father if we could have the slumber party at our house. He gave permission. And then, without asking or talking to me, he had a meeting at school with my director and the two vice-principals and talked out the slumber party. Without me. I knew that I would have to talk with my director and get permission from the girls’ parents and all the administrative crap. My host dad just wanted to help. But sometimes he is helpful to the point of being overbearing. I know that I should not be upset about him wanting to help, but the fact that he took control of the slumber party irked my nerves. So I guess I still have a ways to go until I can surrender my control freakiness.
Due to the meeting with the director, I now have to submit a plan of what we will do at the slumber party. I really was not planning on putting that much work into it. We were planning on making pizza and then just letting the girls hang out and have fun and do what they want to do (within reason). I talked to my host sisters last night and told them that I didn’t want to write a plan because I didn’t want the party to be structured; I wanted them to do what they want to do. The advice my oldest sister gave: well, just write the plan and give it to the director, and then we’ll just do what we want anyway. Who else but a fifteen year old could give such advice? Haha
Also due to the meeting with the director, my counterpart is now planning on participating. I told her before that she could not come to the clubs because if she is there the girls won’t talk openly. I really like my counterpart, but you can see how her presence at a slumber party might dampen the spirit of things. My host sisters helped with that solution, too. There are several girls whose parents won’t give them permission to stay out past eightish. The solution is that they should come, eat pizza, and then go home, and since a number of them live near my counterpart, she can go home with them. Problem solved.
I never realized how much of a feminist I am, until I came to Kyrgyzstan. Maybe it is because even though there is gender discrimination in the states, it never really personally affected me it a huge way. Here, I deal with it every day. I was talking to my counterpart yesterday and she told me that she would have to ask her husband’s permission to come to our slumber party. Not, I have to talk with him about it, but I have to ask for his permission. I was shocked, and it made me angry for her, but she didn’t have a problem with it because it is just the way things are. I hate that “the ways things are” is an excuse for inequality to continue.
I have been making an effort to spend more time with my host sisters. It has paid off in spades. They talk to me now. Really talk, openly. This is something that they can not do with any of the adults in their lives. This has lead to two new thoughts:
1. I can see the advantages of having a big family, and maybe one day might want one. I KNOW! I still can’t believe it myself. Truthfully, there are days when my little brother is being an obnoxious little demon and I return to my “never-ever having-children” stance. Haha
2. I am not sure how I feel about being a role model. My sisters and the girls’ in my club look up to me. That is a lot of responsibility. I do not think I like it. haha It makes me feel like everywhere I go I have to be on my best behavior, not only because I stick out like a sore thumb and am a Peace Corps volunteer “24-7,” but also because I don’t want to let my girls’ down. Being someone that people look up to is hard work.
We did a lesson on crocheting in our girls’ club today. The girls have been asking them to teach them to crochet since they first learned that I made one of my own scarves. Having a hobby that is borderline productive gets me so many cool points with the teaching staff. I’m not a completely useless human being, after all. Hahaha We might start a knitting circle or crocheting circle. That way, the girls and I can just get together and work on our own projects and talk. They don’t really get a chance to just hang out and talk. They pretty much just go to class, and then go home. Any chance that I get to create an open atmosphere for dialogue, I am going to take. In Kyrgyz, crochet circle translates to “cruchok crujok,” which sounds funny and makes me laugh. But lately, a lot of things have made me laugh. I guess it is the side effect of a good mood?
I just crossed over to the third page, so I will spare you the other, more random thoughts that are running through my mind.
Miss you.
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
Jess
That was fun to read :)
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