10 February 2010

This is not going to be a happy blog. This blog might not even be pleasant. So, if you are accustomed to, and want the “everything is wonderful” blog; I suggest that you stop reading now and wait a bit for the “I had a slumber party, and it was awesome and I love everything” blog. This isn’t it.

If you’re still reading, sorry. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. This has been a down week. And not the “I’m kinda sad - borderline depressed - mopey – missing America – feel like crying a lot” down that I’ve experience a few times. This down is new and different. This down is the “i.hate.everything – am in a really pissy mood – am beginning to believe that certain people were placed on this earth for the sole purpose of irritating me” down. I kinda feel like Jordan on a bad day. haha (jk sis, ly) I’m not sure what brought it on, but there you go. And, I’m stuck with the problem of how to deal with it. I am the type of person that needs to vent. But I’m also the type of person that doesn’t want to inflict my moodiness on anyone else. It is different if I have a problem, and need advice, or am feeling down and need a pick-me-up. I just don’t want to inflict this nasty mood on anyone else. So I can’t call anyone. Also, I don’t want to write in my journal or blog about the particulars of my bad mood, because in a few years, I don’t want to remember this. I don’t want one week of snarkiness to color 10 months of mostly good days. I want to remember the “I am doing something productive, and helpful, and having a great time” weeks. I don’t want to remember the “I will rip your face off if you so much as look at me” weeks. Haha. So, (and I’m not exactly proud of this, but hey…) I made a list. “big surprise” you might say, haha. I made a list of “Everything I Hate Today.” Then, I went outside and lit it on fire. Haha. It was the best I could do because all my other coping mechanisms are out. I would practice my new guitar, but I’m not in the right frame of mind for patience and might go rock star and destroy something, and I’d regret that later. I could knit (now that I’ve FINALLY gotten the hang of it) but knitting needles would make too convenient of a weapon. (and to paraphrase my favorite sister here, ‘I’d stab someone’s eye out, and happily go to jail, where I would sit and giggle imagining them in a pirate eye patch’) and if knitting is out because of maybe using needles as a weapon, there is no way I’m going to let myself cook anything that involves knives. This is what the PC has done to me haha. I’ve gone from pacifist, to imagining stabbing someone with knitting needles. (just in case any prospective PCVs are reading this, I’m just kidding about the stabbing thing. Mostly haha) I knew this would happen eventually. In fact, it is just about right on time with the “what to expect” paper that PC gave us. For some reason, this does not really help and it irritates me... haha

I did wash dishes, which helped a little bit. I also attempted an unsuccessful walk, but it is snowing (go figure) and I fell down. Again (go figure again) So, in an a last bitter attempt, I’m going to put on my new sock monkey footie pajamas (courtesy of the totally amazing jenn) and crawl under the covers, try to get warm, read a book, and maybe do a crossword to take my mind off of stuff. All of which will probably lead to a nap, after which, I might attempt to bake something (with no knives haha)

If you stuck through this bog of negativity, keep an eye out for the next blog about the slumber party which will be full of sunshine and roses. (pending me not stabbing anyone’s eye out and ending up in jail. Haha jk)

Miss you
Love from Kyrgyzstan,
j